A Positive Note (Kinda)

The following is in response to an e-mail I received from my wife. These were the last words of her letter:

“ So who are you now? Have you come into any new revelations about yourself and others? Do you have any positive revelations to share? Or have they all been snuffed out by me?”

This was my reply:

Positive Revelations?

I went to a wedding on Monday. My friend Jason (from Earnest & Marat.Sade) married Darcy (who worked on 24 hour theater with me). The wedding was on a Monday so that all of us in shows could attend. It was very much a OC Theater wedding (even if it was held in Riverside). It was a Scottish wedding (Jason wore a kilt). Jason is Scottish and Darcy is Irish. At the end of the ceremony Kelly Flynn got up and did an Irish Blessing. It was then that it occurred to me that Kelly has become the Patriarch of a very extended, dysfunctional family.

The reception was split evenly between Family and Actors. Over the last 15 years I have watched as my friends from school drift farther and farther from me. As you might know, this has been of great concern to me. But, it seems that I have found a new family. Of course, I’m weird Uncle Fester in this family, but at least I have a place.

Not to make you feel bad (this is not a guilt trip!), but I really think that I am done with the concept of Romantic Love. It was always an idealized thing in my mind and heart. Real life can never compare to what I think it should be. I was long content in the thought that I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. You fooled me into thinking that I could have the dream. But, it was just a dream. I fooled myself. Shame on me.

But, I don’t think I have to be alone. There is a large group of people out there that love me. Maybe, not like I always wanted, but it is real enough. It is not the epic, sweeping love that I always dreamed of (I never really told you about my romantic fantasies. I really did want to be the White Knight, or maybe a Pirate), but it is the Love of Family, which is not something to scoff at.

So, I will be content in my fucked-up little theater family. We’re all damaged in one way or another, but we have each other. I guess that will have to do…